Content Area
Getting involved in the life of your teenager. Here are some good suggestions to help you parents.
Tips...
- Help your child slow down. Sure you might have to buck the crowd, and that is never easy. However, given what we know from research, it is smart policy to be firm and insist that your young teen not date one-on-one at this age. There is plenty of time for this later. This avoids putting teens in situations they may not be mature enough to handle.
- Screen R-rated movies, videos, and TV shows for sexual content. Make age inappropriate ones off limits. Also check the labels on CDs that carry warnings if the content isn't intended for young people. Be prepared to hear rebellion. Be tough and stick to your guns.
- There are other options you can consider too. In some cases, watching certain shows with teens can be a valuable experience. You can use that time to discuss what they see and how they are interpreting the messages being delivered.
- Find out your teen's reaction to questionable values that are portrayed. Challenge points of view with which you disagree. Speak up loud and clear when things are misrepresented and reality is being distorted.
- See if you can subtly stack the deck with respect to friends. This isn't always realistic since young teens are very opinionated about whom they like and don't like, and what groups are in or out. If they even get a whiff of parental interference, it will guarantee that the friends of your choice will be treated like they have leprosy.
- Despite these caveats, it is still worthwhile to move ahead gingerly. If possible, provide your teen with opportunities to join peer groups engaged in positive activities. These might be youth groups at the Y, your church or synagogue, the Scouts, or groups of young people who do community service.
- If there is a casual friend who stands out as someone you would like your child to become better acquainted with, suggest he invite him along on a family activity.
- Supervise, supervise, supervise! You can radically diminish teen's opportunities to get involved in sex and other potential problem behaviors by making sure their time and activities are adequately supervised. This includes time after school, on weekends, during the summer, and time spent in or out of the home. Arrange appropriate supervision if you can't be there yourself by making arrangements with another adult to be there. Always know where your teens are at any time of the day.
- Admit that sexuality is positive by portraying sex as a gift instead of saying, "Don't do it."
- Define sexual behavior as a romantic progression, beginning with a smile and proceeds along a path from kissing, to touching, and onto intercourse. Make the point that they can stop at any time along this progression.
- Clarify the danger of oral sex. In today's culture, oral sex is considered casual and convenient. Explain that any exchange of bodily fluids can result in HIV.
- Link sex to emotional consequences. Sex is a physical drive, but with emotional connections. Put sex in a loving context, and explain how it bonds people deeply.
- Offer a checklist for sexual decision-making by injecting your family values of when and why one would take this step.
Girls and Guys
Girls and guys require different instructions.
- Girls need to learn to say "no" firmly while looking a boy straight in the face.
- Boys need to be warned of the danger of assuming her consent.
Combined Effort
No parent gets off the hook. Both parents bring important perspectives to sex talks. Only mothers can demystify women to their sons; only dads can explain men to their daughters.
Statistics
Young teens who are exposed to a high level of sexual content through the media are much more likely to have sex by the time they reach the age of 16, the results of a new study indicate.
A team of researchers, lead by Dr. Jane Brown of the University of North Carolina, surveyed over 1,000 young people aged 12-14. The researchers then followed up with the teens two years later. They were asked about their sexual behavior and their use of four different types of media: television shows, films, songs, and magazines. The researchers then analyzed the sexual content in hundreds of these types of media and calculated each teenager's "sexual media diet."
- The study found that those aged 12-14 who used media with high sexual content were up to 2.2 times more likely to have sex by the time they were 16 compared to those not exposed to a high sexual content.
- The sexual content found in the different types of media ranged from sexual innuendo to nudity and depictions of sexual intercourse.
Teens are defaulting to entertainment media for sexual information because they are not getting this information in other places. Because it tends to leave out the crucial three Cs - commitment, contraception, and consequences, the media is not the best sex educator.
The researchers found that one of the strongest protective factors against early sexual behavior was clear communication on this topic by parents. Parents must keep the topic of sexual communication open at all times from the age of 10 years up. Let the child know that you will talk to him or her about any subject; and if you don't know the answer, tell them you will do your best to find out.
Conclusion...
Take advantage of all the help you can get by using TV, movies, magazine articles, and newspaper stories. Make the sex talk an ongoing educational conversation.
Listen carefully to your child's comments. Each generation has different sexual expressions and values. Learn today's lingo and norms.