Content Area
There are many "teachable moments" that you can take advantage of to initiate a relaxed discussion about positive sexual behavior and abstinence.
The average television viewer sees 14,000 references to sex in the course of one year. Use some of them as springboards for discussion. Following these guidelines will increase your odds of being able to communicate effectively with your teen:
The Talk
- Clarify what you've heard.
Clarifying assures your teen that you've listened and understood what he or she said. It also gives him or her a chance to try again if you misunderstood. The best way to clarify is to briefly summarize in your own words what you think your teen is saying. - Don't interrupt.
Listening without interrupting lets your teen know you want to know what he or she is thinking and shows respect. - Use positive methods of communication.
Since many teens are insecure and uncomfortable with sexuality, using positive communication techniques are particularly important when discussing it. Let your teen know that he or she can be open and honest. Be sure to be open and honest yourself. Provide truthful and direct information. If you do not know an answer to a question, don't guess or make something up. Admit you don't know, and promise to try to find out more. - Use "I" statements.
Start your sentences with "I" or "I feel." Starting a sentence with "you" is likely to put your teen on the defensive because it sounds accusatory or threatening. Tell your daughter, "I'm concerned that you and Jason are so involved that you'll get careless and wind up pregnant." Don't tell her, "You're getting too involved with Jason." - Clearly state what you want.
Say, "I want you home by 11:00." Don't say, "I don't want you staying out late." - If possible, rephrase questions as statements that reflect your feelings.
Many times questions are not used to elicit information. They're used to trap someone. Say, "I don't think someone your age should be dating just one person." Don't say, "Why don't you date other people?" - Avoid using "absolutes" when in any kind of disagreement.
Words like "always," "never," "every time," and "whenever" drag up the past. For effective communication, stick to the present.
Don't be overly concerned if your teen doesn't immediately share your enthusiasm for talking about sexuality. That may take time, and there may be setbacks along the way. Don't give up. The important thing is that you're making the effort.